noondayclock | (no subject)

[ Jade isn't the only one in a less than stellar mood. After having to tell his friends to go fuck themselves when they wouldn't stop ragging on his girlfriend, and getting into a physical fight with one of them (it had ended in about five seconds, the guy had no idea what he was doing) it was pretty safe to say that Dave's evening had been completely shit. His mood was complete shit, and he wasn't even sure why he was coming to visit Jade right now since he was annoyed about the whole situation surrounding her, other than the fact that he didn't really feel like heading back to his empty apartment at the moment. ]

[Best boyfriend ♥ Not that she can't stand up for herself, but sometimes just biting her tongue and unleashing her anger into a mad pesterchum rant with Rose was just the smarter way to go. And despite the fact that she'd done neither, and she's not the happiest, it's not entirely Dave's fault and seeing him is always something she enjoys]

Hi Dave! [Because absolutely no one else has a key, and she's setting the book aside to go and greet him properly, with a kiss on the cheek]

[ He sits there stiffly as Jade gives him her cutesy greeting. It's kind of rude of him to act like a wall when she does that, but fuck that he's got every right to be pissed off as far as he's concerned. He's actually kind of annoyed she can act so happy and chirpy despite the bullshit he just had to go through for her.

Not speaking at first, he pulls his face back and shrugs in greeting at her. He almost wants to do the childish thing of wiping at his cheek, but he's not that pathetic. ]

Hey...

[Being happy and being happy to see him are two different concepts entirely Dave. And she might not always be the best at picking up subtle cues from people, due to her upbringing, she's still learned a lot about Dave in the time they've been together.

Enough to notice something is wrong here, something she's pretty sure she can trace a cause for, and dread fills her stomach as her brow knits a little in worry]

...What's wrong?

[ Unfortunately, Jade might be learning to pick up cues, but Dave was never good at reading his friends. He misjudges them left and right constantly, and if Jade seems happy he assumes she's generally happy instead of just pleased to see him here after everything that went down.

He slumps back against the couch, trying to look as casual as possible despite the fact that he kind of wants to go punch his hand through the wall right now. ]

You get three guesses, second two don't count.

[Even if she was, what's so wrong about not letting a bunch of assholes get to her? Jade isn't exactly a fan of hearing all the things that are wrong with her, things she hadn't thought were a problem until she'd moved here. But putting it out of her mind quickly was never something she'd gotten used to doing.

And his casualness to a degree works, she certainly underestimates quite how angry this ha made him]

It's about earlier, and what he said about me? [A pause] It's okay, Dave. I...I don't think he meant it.

[She's actually pretty sure of the exact opposite, but she's never going to be that girl who tells him who he can hang out with]

[ Is she serious? Whether or not Jade actually foolishly believes any of what she just said, Dave is misreading the situation again. He's thinking she honestly doesn't get how much his friends don't like her. And sure, Dave is pretty sure some of it is the fact that for all they would deny it, more than a couple of them would love the chance to jump into the sack with Jade, but aren't about to admit it.

He is sure though that every last one of them thinks she's some kind of unsocialized freak, and it bothers him. It bothers him what they say about her, and it bothers him what they say about him. While Dave has gotten over some of his stupid childhood issues, he's still pretty protective about his reputation. ]

Are you kidding me? The piece of shit meant every fucking. He's an asshole.

[Wow if she knew that most of them thought that about her, whether or not that drove their dislike of her, she'd dislike them even more. She doesn't even have fully realized concepts of objectification or sleazy behaviour, but she's definitely 100% of the knowledge she has accumulated on the issue that a guy that treated her like that wasn't worth it. Which continuously begs the question of WHY Dave hangs out with these people, why he won't just find ones a little more like Rose or John.

She sighs a little, hand tucking fly away hair behind her ear]

I know, Dave. But he's your friend. [But she was his friend longer, has been his girlfriend and...Well, she's shared everything with him. He has access to her home whenever he wants it, as good of a subtle, Strider acceptable declaration of serious intent and emotion. Wasn't that supposed to mean more?]

I didn't want you to be upset. I don't care what he says about me. What any of them do. [Well, at least three hours from now, this will be true]

[ And here it was, what drove him insane. This was it, the proof that no matter what he did, just like her brother Jade was always going to be better than Dave. She was the bigger person than he could ever hope to be, and while it didn't cause the same, intense jealousy and competitiveness it did with John, it did at least reinforce those same glaring flaws in himself, and that wasn't helping his mood improve.

Jade could let the bullshit these assholes say roll off her shoulders and still like herself and not want to change who she was. Even though Dave had made improvements and he wasn't that same douchey 13 year old, it still bothered him when people thought he was weird, different. There was a reason for the shades still, there was a reason he demanded that Jade wear hats out in public, because even though they could pass the ears off as part of a costume, he didn't even want people to see them.

He still wanted people to think he was cool. Too like him and look up to him, and when they looked down on Jade, they were looking down on him. It was stupid, because Dave knew good and well that Jade was better than any of those assholes, but they didn't realize it. ]

Yeah, well maybe you should start caring.

[You know what would be helpful Dave? Telling your girlfriend about all of these things before a blow out like this. Dave's problem wasn't that he wasn't capable of being as good of a person as John or Jade, only that he tried too hard and was more resistant to change. Though honestly, Jade wouldn't have wanted him to be anything but what he was.

She frowns, and there's a beat where for the first time in a really long time, she has no idea what to say to Dave. She was trying to be diplomatic about this, while she'd certainly grown out of her shell since the game, she still wasn't any more eager to fight and potentially hurt someone's feelings when she could avoid it. Like he tended to do however, Dave was starting to try that patience, especially since he appeared to be taking it out on her. So there's definitely a bit more bite to her voice this time around]

Why? None of it is true.

[ No, she wouldn't and neither would Rose or John. Dave is the only one that every wants to be anything except what he is. That's part of his deal, creating this persona for himself that he thinks will impress people. So sure, after awhile the persona ends up becoming a big part of him, but the struggle to be moldable enough to impress other people wasn't exactly Dave being himself, considering it meant he hid certain interests, and acted like he liked other things he couldn't give two shits about.

And that bite? That gets him even more aggravated, like somehow he's the bad guy here. (Okay maybe he is being a total tool at the moment), but he wasn't the one to say all of this to Jade in the first place. He ended up having to take a lot of shit for the way she acts, and she can just shrug it off with ease and let him deal with the consequences. None of that seemed fair to him.

None of that was true either, but to Dave at the moment it was all solid fact. ]

Sure...

[ Just one word. One word uttered in a skeptical tone that suggested maybe what they said about her really was true after all. ]

[She knows that, he has to hear a lot of things about her that naturally he wouldn't want to hear even on the best of days, that he likely hears more of it when she isn't around to aggravate circumstances, and a part of her, over time, has started to feel guilty for that. Because she can tell that it bothers him, that it bothered him more when she used to hole up in her bedroom and cry about it, because she couldn't grasp how people could hate her so much for something so stupid.

But feeling bad, and wanting to be someone else were two different things, and when Dave acted like this, like he thought it was her fault, she had almost no patience to be the bigger person and see this from his side.

Which is why she pulls farther away from him at that word. If it had been Dave being cranky about having to give in and admit in a round about way he was in the wrong, she could have over looked it. Because Dave never made being wrong, easy, and the acknowledgement is enough for her, if the grievance is small. But this sounds like doubt, and that sends unease flooding back into her senses. The feel of something being wrong here back to itching under her skin]

What's that supposed to mean?!

[ Great, this was just what he didn't need, a fight with Jade on top of his fight with his friends. It's like no matter what he did Dave couldn't catch a fucking break today, and he's had enough of it. He doesn't want this fight, he doesn't even want to deal with it right now. He realizes that he's also fucked up on this one by being overly aggressive to Jade when she hadn't really done anything, but her lack of caring about the shit he went through wasn't really putting him in a better mood.

It feels like he's the only one that gives a shit around here, and now he's the bad guy for fucking agreeing with her. To Dave, this is all absolute bullshit. ]

It means "sure". Jesus Christ. It was one fucking syllable, what the hell are you getting upset at me for?

[Don't start one Dave, and then you have a 50% chance of avoiding one. And she had cared, she had simply mistakenly lain the blame for his anger on his friend, and had tried to assuage any conflicted loyalties. This...Honestly wasn't at all what she was expecting out of him when he arrived]

It was the way you said it, Dave! Like you didn't mean it. Why wouldn't that upset me?

[Tell her she's reading too much into this because it's been a shit day]

[ He should, if he had any ounce of intelligence in that head he would tell her that he was wrong to say it the way he did and apologize profusely, because Jade didn't need this kind of bullshit laid down on her after what she's already dealt with. Unfortunately, Dave's in such a shitty mood he's not even thinking about the damage he could be doing right now. ]

Yeah, well maybe I didn't mean it.

[ No... Dave. No. ]

[She reels back like he's reached out and physically struck her, breath catching in her throat and eyes wide. There are times, in a general sense, that she'd wished she could be more like Dave when it came to expression. Coherent, sure sounding, and...Hidden about the depth of things people to do her. It would be useful, at a time like this. When it's a full body hurt, and it shows, all the way down to her wet eyes and the ears she now feels self concious about, flattening back against her head in a droop. She has to cover one, with her hand, like if she hides it maybe it'll stop being there and this conversation just...Isn't happening.

She opens and closes her mouth, once, twice, voice small]

Oh...

[Give her a second, she's just...Got to process the fact that you just shattered her life and everything she's thought about it for the past year]

[ And while he's still angry, and still wants to rant and rave and start to say some really nasty things to her, her reaction takes the force right out of him. It's almost as if you can see him visibly deflating as she draws back and covers up her ears. While she might want to be able to hide her emotions, it's the fact that she can't that begins to make Dave realize what a gigantic ass he was just now to her.

That doesn't mean he's about to apologize, but it does mean he gets silent, not ready to tear into her any more than he already has. ]

[It takes her another moment to finish processing this, the full scope of what this situation means about their relationship. The more conclusions she draws, the more upset she becomes, but she's also angry. And the anger wins out, when the silence startles her more than him using words any further would have]

...Is that what you say to them when I'm not around? Do you just laugh at me, Dave?

[ This conversation took a turn Dave didn't expect. He should have, considering he was just hinting at the fact he didn't think Jade was normal, but he didn't think that Jade would think he was that much of a douchebag. He's sitting up now, brows furrowing slightly, but otherwise his face is staying impassive.

All he would need to do is stay quiet, reassure her that wasn't the case, but of course Dave being the idiot he is, is going to get defensive the moment he gets accused. ]

You really think I'm that kind of asshole?

I think you're that much of a coward!

[She doesn't mean to say it, not really. She couldn't have said it wasn't true, and that a part of her didn't think it, because that would have been a lie. There is nothing stopping Dave from being more of himself and comfortable with his own image and his own skin, other than him. But she doesn't mean it negatively, because she's always loved him for the whole deal, mess and arguments and all.

And his sitting up, and the furrowed brows, and the defensive tone all make her doubt the last few moments. But, she's also never doubted him before. She's had her insecure moments, sure, when an ex popped out of the word work or a fight got too large. But it was all about their ability to make it work, she'd never doubted the sincerity of his feelings before. And that changes everything]

[ Dave doesn't mind being called an asshole by most people. He's actually used to it, and builds a reputation for himself around the idea that he's a total jackass. It didn't mean he really wanted Jade calling him one, but he could deal with that insult if she did. He didn't exactly have that many problems with that view on him.

A coward, however? That was another matter entirely and the idea that she thought he was one really got to him. After everything he'd done to protect her, John and Rose in the fucking game. The number of Daves that had been sacrificed in the process of trying to protect their stupid asses, the amount of times he'd had to stare death right in the eye just to keep them safe and now she was pulling this horseshit on him?

No. Fuck that. No.

Without a word Dave got up off the couch, and silently walked past her, making sure to avoid any sort of physical contact on his way towards the door. ]

[She sits stock still for a moment, unable to process for a minute that he's actually getting up and just intending to walk out, utterly silent. It's almost as if he hadn't heard her at all, and she gets the startling clarity one only has in hindsight that a line has been crossed. The kind of line you can't smudge away or jump back over like it hadn't even been there. She gets the feeling of ice cold fear running through her veins, and she reflexively reaches out a little, despite the fact that he's well passed the point of being able to touch. But she can't bring herself to call out for him.

Because compounding in the back of her head is a list of all the reasons this is even happening. And it all just boils down to the fact that this is his fault. If he'd stood up for her, no, if he'd been honest with her, all of this could have been avoided. She could have never left her island, always wondered 'what if' while he picked some bleach blonde that fit into his image. Because at the end of the day, the person in this relationship that mattered most to Dave was the image of himself he concocted in front of the mirror. It angers her, but not as much as the fact that because of all of these things, he's taken the thirteen year old boy who used to make her laugh, who sat on a planet catching frogs and helped her make winter clothes so she wouldn't be left behind, away from her.

She's off the couch with her discarded book sailing past his head to snag his attention away from leaving]

Fine, just run away Dave! That's got to be so much better than just saying how you really feel! Real brave of you!

[ That stops him dead in his tracks. He isn't sure if he was planning on leaving without a word and coming back when he was less ready to punch his fist through a wall, or if he was going to try to give one last snappy one liner before slamming the door shut. But after a fucking assault and calling him a coward?

This was bullshit.

Dave stares at the door for a few seconds, making sure he can keep his face in that unreadable pokerface of his before finally half twisting his body around to look at her while shoving a hand in his pocket. ]

Almost as brave as tossing something at the back of a guys head. Who knew you had it in you?

[ And with that little snarky comment he'll return the favor. Pulling his hand out of his pocket and tossing her the keys to her apartment she'd had made for him.

He hesitates for just a half a second, debating leaving on a "Later", but that move? No, there isn't really going to be a later, is there? So he concludes lamely with- ]

Harley.

[ --before finally walking out the door for real, shutting it quietly behind him instead of slamming it like he'd originally intended. ]

[She catches the keys reflexively, the game had only honed the skills she'd gathered on the island, and the fact that he'd thrown them directly at her hand't helped. It feels worse in a way, throwing a book she'd purposely had miss, than a small ring of metal pieces, even if he'd known they'd never land.

The words sting all the same, as she stares down at the keys silently. She doesn't stop him, doesn't say more, even when he says her name. This is what they've dissolved into? She feels like she should have seen it coming, isn't that what the heroine of every bad romance movie thinks?

But she can't. They had problems sure, but nothing to her, that would have justified the things they were doing to each other. That would have made ending it the better option. She sinks back down on the couch, and at the quiet click of the door, rather than a loud slam, the tears finally start to fall. She clutches the keys hard to her chest, knuckles turning white.

She hadn't known she'd had it in her either.]