[His voice nearly cracks at it. He has to pinch the bridge of his nose to stem the urge to completely fall apart. Once he'd released this big emotional damn he'd had, he couldn't stop. He'd lost his ability to believe in Jake and the things he'd said a long time ago.
When Jake couldn't stop leaving, when he stopped contact when he did, for so many lengths at a time. He'd never been able to stop turning his thoughts around the idea that he was filling his time with adventure with exotic women- or men, getting all the things Dirk could never give him.
And he hated not knowing. Hated counting bruises and scratches with a clinical eye and having to wonder how they'd gotten there. Learned to resent hearing the words, the feel of Jake's touch. The way nothing he said or did make a lick of fucking difference, it was just a matter of time until he was abandoned again. Only he'd stupidly, so stupidly brought little children he was supposed to protect from all of life's shitty pitfalls into the mix.
And he thinks he resents Jake for that most of all. There's no way to end this that doesn't hurt them. That even if they won't remember it in a year or two, it's going to follow them around for life, with all of their mutual friends. They had a chance of a real, proper, cookie cutter family, and their parents destroyed it so thoroughly there wasn't anything left in the wreckage.
He resents that he'd courted him so long, thought...Thought so dumbly that they'd change eventually, that he could do this, that it would all work out. He hates that as fucked up as he thinks his relationship with Jake is, he hasn't stopped loving him, still loves him as much as he did all those years ago when he started dropping hints.
It's pathetic, he's pathetic, and he just wants all of it to be over already. There's nothing worse than falling apart at the seams, in front of the person you just tore apart, because Jake just won't give up.
Dirk's breath hitches in an all too familiar way, the way Dave does, right before he lets loose a string of tears and ear drum breaking cries.
He's going back to packing, a lot more quickly now, blurring out occasionally when he forgets himself, and flashsteps a second or two]
You just never know when to stop fucking around! What I think...I think it's sad that you say this shit- this complete load of lies-
Like it means anything to me any more! Like you can just worm your fucking way- And you're just so good at it. Real surprise you turned out to be English, gold fucking star. Take a bow and exit stage left!
no subject
[His voice nearly cracks at it. He has to pinch the bridge of his nose to stem the urge to completely fall apart. Once he'd released this big emotional damn he'd had, he couldn't stop. He'd lost his ability to believe in Jake and the things he'd said a long time ago.
When Jake couldn't stop leaving, when he stopped contact when he did, for so many lengths at a time. He'd never been able to stop turning his thoughts around the idea that he was filling his time with adventure with exotic women- or men, getting all the things Dirk could never give him.
And he hated not knowing. Hated counting bruises and scratches with a clinical eye and having to wonder how they'd gotten there. Learned to resent hearing the words, the feel of Jake's touch. The way nothing he said or did make a lick of fucking difference, it was just a matter of time until he was abandoned again. Only he'd stupidly, so stupidly brought little children he was supposed to protect from all of life's shitty pitfalls into the mix.
And he thinks he resents Jake for that most of all. There's no way to end this that doesn't hurt them. That even if they won't remember it in a year or two, it's going to follow them around for life, with all of their mutual friends. They had a chance of a real, proper, cookie cutter family, and their parents destroyed it so thoroughly there wasn't anything left in the wreckage.
He resents that he'd courted him so long, thought...Thought so dumbly that they'd change eventually, that he could do this, that it would all work out. He hates that as fucked up as he thinks his relationship with Jake is, he hasn't stopped loving him, still loves him as much as he did all those years ago when he started dropping hints.
It's pathetic, he's pathetic, and he just wants all of it to be over already. There's nothing worse than falling apart at the seams, in front of the person you just tore apart, because Jake just won't give up.
Dirk's breath hitches in an all too familiar way, the way Dave does, right before he lets loose a string of tears and ear drum breaking cries.
He's going back to packing, a lot more quickly now, blurring out occasionally when he forgets himself, and flashsteps a second or two]
You just never know when to stop fucking around! What I think...I think it's sad that you say this shit- this complete load of lies-
Like it means anything to me any more! Like you can just worm your fucking way- And you're just so good at it. Real surprise you turned out to be English, gold fucking star. Take a bow and exit stage left!