[He laughs slightly, chokes on it. It's a wet, horrible sound, and he noses into Jake's neck even as the whole thing just makes him cry harder.
It's raw, pure grief and he hates that he can make Jake sound panicked, afraid to lose him and that he's got the other manner resorting to near begging. After all this, after...After everything that's making Dirk run.
They're just one big, cosmic joke. He can't get the words out fast enough, they're rambled, dispersed between his sobbing and quiet anger, some of them even, get a little muffled into the skin of Jake's neck]
Why?
Doesn't make...
It's not fucking difference, you can't- It's not like you'd notice.
You're always- You or me does it even matter who leaves it's always-
You're just always gone. You don't...
[And it comes out more broken than he means it to, sinks all of his weight into Jake, and twists his shirt up in his hands and pulls like he can't decide if he wants to eradicate the last of the space between him or shove him away]
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It's raw, pure grief and he hates that he can make Jake sound panicked, afraid to lose him and that he's got the other manner resorting to near begging. After all this, after...After everything that's making Dirk run.
They're just one big, cosmic joke. He can't get the words out fast enough, they're rambled, dispersed between his sobbing and quiet anger, some of them even, get a little muffled into the skin of Jake's neck]
Why?
Doesn't make...
It's not fucking difference, you can't- It's not like you'd notice.
You're always- You or me does it even matter who leaves it's always-
You're just always gone. You don't...
[And it comes out more broken than he means it to, sinks all of his weight into Jake, and twists his shirt up in his hands and pulls like he can't decide if he wants to eradicate the last of the space between him or shove him away]
Jake nothing makes you stay. I tried-